The Savior of American Soccer Is On His Way

January 11, 2007

In an effort to become a legitimate sport in the U.S., the Los Angeles Galaxy has reportedly made a play for David Beckham, the “Cat Daddyďż˝? of English football. The former England soccer captain, and current superstar for the Real Madrid, has apparently agreed to pack up his balls, and move to L.A. An article at CBS says that major League Soccer hopes will boost the sport in the United States in a manner similar to Pele’s arrival with the Cosmos in 1975.

“This week, Real Madrid asked me to make a decision regarding my future and the offer to extend my contract by a further two seasons,” Beckham said in a statement.

“After discussing several options with my family and advisers to either stay here at Madrid or join other major British and European clubs, I have decided to join the Los Angeles Galaxy and play in the MLS from August this year.”

And I bet that $50 million a year helps too.

I hate to break the news to all five or six of you soccer pansies out there, but Pele couldn’t make soccer a respectable sport in America, and neither can Beckham. Soccer has always sucked, and will continue to suck for the foreseeable future.

Now don’t get all depressed about this piece either. It’s not your fault that soccer sucks. It’s just that soccer is a third world sport. All you need is a ball and a few dudes with two different color shirts (usually dirty and dirtier), and some real long socks. That’s all fine and dandy for some joker in a remote village in Ecuador, but we Americans should be striving to do better.

Anyway, good luck to Beckham, the Los Angeles Galaxy, and anyone else that gives a s**t.

Oh, and remember to carpool on game day. All of you Galaxy fans can put your money together and get a real deal on a mini-van at Hertz to go to the game in. $39.99 split 6 ways comes out to about $6.67 each. Cheers.

My buddy McCain over at RightPundits has a great Beckham post too. Check it out HERE!!!


Bill at Make the Logo Bigger puts this deal into perspective for you as well. Check it out HERE!!!


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4 Responses to “The Savior of American Soccer Is On His Way”

  1. 1
    McCain Says:

    Haaaa Joe, you are way too funny! I was gonna cross post my piece over here and save you the trouble, but you wrote pure poetry.

  2. 2
    Joe Citizen Says:

    I saw your piece after I wrote this one and thought I’d do my first ping. I think the two posts compliment each other. You did a good job yourself.

  3. 3
    Mike Says:

    You are both twats. Nope, I don’t like david beckham, and I like football, but if you don’t like the sport fair enough. It’s just that I think you’re both (McCain included) conceited self-righteous twats. A sport of the ‘developing’ world? You are no better than anyone else in these countries. In fact I would like to say you’re worse, but that wouldn’t be fair because I don’t know you and I don’t know them… Do you know why American ‘soccer’ has never taken off? Because it’s a sport that puts America on an equal footing with the other nations of the world.

  4. 4
    Kenneth Says:

    You are right yank, and the 5.7 billion people are wrong. Sawker is a “third-world” sport for “communist pansies” and is anti-american, we must go out of our way to insult it and promote american culture. Soccer is evil and a threat to american exceptionalism. Soccer is for foreigners who are all homos who suck cock and americans are the only real men, all other countries are gay and they are pansies who fake injuries and riot at every soccer game.